The Hunter's Journal

This post might be offensive to some people. There aren't, hopefully, going to be triggers, but there will be offensive language.

There is something that's been on my mind lately. I'm sure by now, everyone has heard about removing the word 'nigger' from Huck Finn. That, and a post in the LJ community Roleplay Secrets. Specifically this secret.

Why? Because a lot of people made the point that the Victorian Age was not PC and in fact they had a lot of offensive things that happened, and were said and considered polite in their age.

Why is this on my mind?

Because I've been struggling this month to write a steampunk novel. Something that I actually enjoy and couldn't figure out why I was so back and forth about writing it. And then I wrote a line and realized what my problem was. You see, one of the main characters is of Chinese descent. In Victorian times, they were not particularly cared for, and there were a great many slurs against them. You see, today, if you call someone a 'Chinaman' or an 'Oriental', people are going to jump down your throat and be offended. But, the words fit perfectly in the time period and are even accepted modes of address.

The main character even had a thought:

They were supposed to be itinerant workers, driven out of their last jobs because he was a good Christian lad that had married a heathen Chinaman – never mind that she could quote more scripture than him.

She's a noblewoman, in a different society, but traveling in other countries, she's coming to realize that her heritage - of which she knows barely anything - makes her a target in other places. At home, she's insulated because of her rank. Out in the wild world? Not so much.

I've been struggling with it, trying to think of how to mitigate the rampant racism and worrying that the story will be less if I take it out.

That was when I realized that if I do take it out, the story is missing something. It's apologetic and something that isn't true to itself. I don't have to be a racism apologist in what I write, because the characters are products of their times, and if that means that they're raging racists, that's okay. They are what they are and why should I make excuses for them?

This realization is making the story a lot easier to write. I'm currently in a scene now where three characters are on a train (one man - white - and two women - one Chinese, one Japanese) and the conductor thinks they are a pimp with two of his 'girls'. They're being chastised by the conductor and asked to go somewhere else, because the other passengers are uncomfortable. No, the scene isn't PC and it isn't polite. But it points out very bluntly that this is not a nice time and this is the sort of thing that had to be dealt with.

If that means people don't want to read it? Then that's their problem. Yes, it's racist and so very unPC, but it's true to itself and that's the most important thing about it.

To add to this, I'm coming to understand some things about my writing. Writing a book, especially one that's outside of my comfort zone like steampunk is, is truly a self-discovery time. I started thinking about the racist aspects of the story because they made me uncomfortable.

In real life, I try to be as unracist as possible. I know I don't always succeed, but if it's pointed out to me, I will not do it again. I've pointed out racist/homophobic comments to other people because it's really not going to stop unless people speak up. So I try.

Writing it, I've tried not to put in that I don't approve. Why? Because I think people are smart enough to realize that what I write isn't always what I approve of. There are things that I will write that are very much triggering and are not polite and are written to point out some really screwed up things in our lives. But I don't approve of them.

Writing like that is also a catharsis for me. I'm going to admit something here that normally is kept for my personal journal. I'm a rape survivor. I was raped by a man I was married to. I'm also a domestic abuse survivor. Both from that man and then the second man that I married. So I'm very aware of how things could be triggering and how they can't be put into fiction without some really true self awareness.

However, more and more I'm coming to realize that I can't shy away from those topics if they are needed in the story - and I mean that. They have to be needed. I have a romance story on my hard drive somewhere. The MC is a domestic abuse/stalking/rape survivor. I am not treating that story lightly. I know how hard it is to recover from things like that.

There are a few subjects I'm not comfortable touching: non-cis-gendered issues, same sex rape, and child abuse are the three big ones that I can think of. Why? Because I don't think I could write them realistically (yet) and do not want to downplay the truth behind those issues. I do write same sex couples. Why? Because I do have some first hand knowledge of what those couples face. I do understand some of that, and have a couple of people that I feel comfortable asking questions of.

Back to this being a journey of self-discovery (wow does that sound corny or what?). I'm finding things out about myself that I wouldn't even think about if I wasn't writing them out.

I'm kinda glad to be finding them out. Because as I figure them out, I know I have issues, and I know that I'm not dealing with them. But I'm trying to find them out and that's what matters. Writing is helping me get to the point where I can get help for them.

If I offended anyone with this post, I'm not going to apologize for what I wrote. I am going to apologize that you took this personal enough to be offended. It is meant to be a personal reflection post and not something directed at any one person/group. Discussion is welcome as always.

So, I've got plots bouncing around in my brain. Considering NaNo was "fandom with the serial numbers filed off" I'm not real worried about that aspect of it.

However, I know that the plots are really contrived and cliché. Meaning that I'd have to work with them through some reworkings to get them to something that might be of interest for people to read.

Considering that I've spent the last two days writing Bleach/X-Men fic, I really have no room to talk.

Well, let's talk about contrived plots:

- Long lost noble - FOUND! Seriously, this has been done so many times that it's really a trope. It's how noblemen/heroes in fandom get surprise!kids, and how unsavory nobles are deposed, by the triumphant return of their neglected offspring. (Chris Paolini anyone?)
- Ostracized noble family regains honor Do I have to explain this one? It'll be something about the last heir going undercover/on an epic journey and reclaiming that which was taken from them by an evil rival or something.
- Baby adopted in, but ousted by natural born child Again, do I have to explain? This is such a joke that I'm not sure I could even finish a story with this even as a subplot.

I had a few others, but mostly it's the first one that's caught my attention recently. I'm thinking of maybe doing that one for next year's NaNo. Since I'm pretty sure my schedule won't allow for it. Next year's pretty well mapped out. I really do wanna work on the Moon stuff. That'll get that out of the way.

I need to work out my plot for it, like I did for NaNo. It'll help me keep the story moving along. At the end, it'll be ugly as hell, but... hey, stories almost always are the first time through.

I can maybe work in another thing for April, since that's mostly looking at my NaNo ago - even though I'm doing that in March for NaNoEdMo (National Novel Editing Month) - so that month might have something that I can nudge in, if I can get a decent outline/characters.

Who knows, maybe I'll work on the Jenith/Bear stuff, or the Kenny/Max stuff. Both of those kinda fascinate me, so we'll have to see.

I know the Jenith stuff could be turned into the first trope, especially.

AND MOVING ON!

I really need to do an outline/something of the Moon!Fic. Even though that's scheduled for next month, I'm thinking I need to get to it. I have characters to outline, and a plot to think of. That's probably going to wait until after the kids are back in school, though. Kids around = writing time cut short, unfortunately.

For now, I'm going to go see if I can find my book.

I love making up new races. I love it. I love doing it for no other reason than I have an idea and then I make a file and leave it on my hard drive.

Sometimes, these races spawn stories. Sometimes, they don't.

Okay, honest truth: Most of the time they don't.

But, they're still fun to figure out. What are their traditions? What color is their skin? Does that make them stand out or blend in? Do they have magic/technology other races don't have? Do they have rituals that make them anathema to other peoples or are the rituals outlawed because of fear?

These are the type of things I always ask myself when creating new races. Especially since I'm always fascinated by cross-breeds.

Now, this is something each writer has to decide for themselves.

I love doing it.

I might, eventually put up some examples under f-lock, if I can find them. (The depths of the hard drive are deep and unfathomable...)

Do you make up new races or take old ones and put a new spin on them?

Everyone comes up with characters in different ways. Everyone plucks those little bits of psyche out of the ether in ways that probably only make sense to them.

Sometimes, they get a physical description first. Blonde hair, green eyes, a bit pudgy, with long thin fingers/limp brown hair, dark tan, brown eyes... And on and on and on.

Other times, it's the way they dress. Jimmy Choos, and Vera Wang, or maybe flannel and jeans.

Maybe it's something they say or do. Maybe it's their job, or their accent. Maybe it's something they see. Or something they smell.

Anyway, the point is, there's many ways that authors come up with characters. It doesn't really matter how it comes up. There are a few things, however, that are, really, universal. It doesn't matter how the characters first appear, they all have the same things. Height, weight, appearances, etc etc.

Now, I'm not a chart or sheet kind of person, but they do have their uses. I even collect character sheets. I like looking at them at times to just give me an idea of what to do with the characters when they're being cranky about growing.

I have several, but this latest one is... interesting. I haven't seen one quite as comprehensive. So, I'm posting it here, just for shits and giggles.

( Character Sheet )

I haven't filled it out for anyone, yet. But it does look interesting. I might attempt it later, however.

With the internet, writers do not have to sit in lonely corners alone, hunched over their manuscripts. No longer do they have to trudge from place to place, looking for that elusive group that might just be the right fit.

Unfortunately, the internet does not mean that you will immediately find that perfect place where you will get that delicate balance of encouragement, decent feedback, and that occasional kick in the pants that all writers need.

Today, I was looking back over my bookmarks, and had begun deleting the ones I no longer needed. The one thing I noticed was that quite a few were writing sites where I just never felt either welcome, or comfortable.

Well, and to be honest there were a couple I was "kicked out" of, because disagreements with those that ran the comms.

However, those make no difference.

The best thing a writer can have, though, is support. Support from family, friends, and others going through the same trials and tribulations as you are.

Finding that support, however, is a very hard thing to do. The key point, as was pointed out to me not long ago by a friend, is to keep trying. Eventually, you might find that group that doesn't mind the fact that you're writing about dragon lesbian sex.

I finally found that group, that also runs the word wars in which I participate. Some of them find some of my subjects uncomfortable. However, they realise that what I write about is not what I personally feel, or practice.

They truly understand the disconnect, do not judge me by my writing, and don't mind the random "Oh, hey, I figured out how to get this pair where they need to be, with tails."

The other thing I think that helps is that before, I tried to connect my personal life, and my writing. As I have learned in several different locations, apparently, I am not one that can do that. I need to keep the two separate.

It is possible for things to go from writing, to friendship. It just depends on the writing. I have several people I met through my writing (mostly fandom) who have stepped up as friends and understand that though my mind might generate random crack at any interval, that is not constant, that there is a disconnect between me and my writing.

I am not, for example, a polygamous bisexual dragon, who has two male lovers, and a single female lover. But, if that is what I write about, most just say "Okay, what are you smoking now?"

Unfortunately, in my travels throughout the web, I have met some who see me as one thing and one thing only.

I have to admit that their rejections of some pieces of me do hurt. No matter how long ago it was, I, sometimes, in moments of silence and worry, look back on those instances and go... "Why? What was wrong?"

I've learned, though, that perhaps, we were just not a good fit, because I see nothing with feral dragon bisexual sex, and they seem to be unable to disconnect that with the woman who happily watches Star Wars (The original trilogy thankyouverymuch) for the fiftieth time, even though she's able to say the lines by heart.

So, still, I keep looking. I keep looking for that one, elusive, group where I can begin settling in, and perhaps begin getting some real feedback on this monstrosity that has been eating at me for so long.

I hope to find it soon.

Honestly, that should be "not writing while sick".

Lately, I've been rather ill. With massive headaches, and terrible vertigo, writing has been all but nil and put me even further behind. The trouble is, I can't be angry about that. What am I supposed to do? Write until I pass out/fall over? Yeah, that's not going to happen.

So, the thing I've come to realise is that while I keep putting pressure on myself, life is going to interfere and that may mean I won't make my self-imposed deadline. I can't do anything about it. I can continue working toward it, of course, but there's nothing I can do if I don't make it. Especially with Memorial Day coming.

Also, I've noticed an upswing in certain corners of the writing world that have a lot to do with writers owing their readers something.

Pretty basically, that's a lot of bullshit. I don't care if it's a fanfiction, free e-zine, something on a blog or a published series. The only one(s) that the writer 'owes' is the publisher, and possibly an editor. Why? Because they have a contract in writing.

I had a lot more to say, but the vertigo is kicking in again, and I'm exhausted this evening. Hopefully, soon, I'll get back to working on the manuscript.