The Hunter's Journal

So; here's what I've accomplished in the last few days:

- Dad packed all the books in the living room
- Most of my table is packed
- Son's room, save his clothing is packed
- Five boxes in the kitchen are done


Here's what I have not accomplished:

- My closet
- Any of the craft supplies
- Writing
- My stuffed animals
- Catch up on Laundry

Sigh. I feel like I'm falling behind and I know I'm not. I know that we're really a little ahead of schedule? Like, there's more to pack than I thought, but we're okay. And I know that Dad'll help, should I actually need it. The problem is I'm packing things from the floor, which requires me to be on the floor/get up and down. He can't do that. So... I'm stuck.

I did pack the baking cupboard today. I'm going to pack the baking counter tomorrow. I also packed some pans and stuff that needed packed. That's part of the 5 boxes I packed.

Oh, and on top of everything, we have to buy Sam a new to him car. Because his isn't worth fixing. So yay!

That's right, we have another apartment, and I'm ready to move.

It's closer to downtown, closer to Sam's job, closer to shopping and a few other things. So, it's a good move, and it's only across town.

Now for the not great parts of it:

- the movers will be here on February 14th. That gives me just over 30 days to pack and get things ready to go.
- I need to tell our current complex we're leaving. I plan on doing that after they install the new dishwasher on Monday.
- I am already exhausted, but I have a ton of things to do and cannot rest. I fully plan on this being a "me" thing. Sam is sleeping and has been sleeping all day. I dunno what's wrong but 30 days to pack isn't much and we need to get moving. The only room I won't pack is Sam's, so it's all on him.
- I start packing tomorrow. I'm going to start in Son's room and hopefully get that taken care of except his clothing.
- Tomorrow I book the movers. We're going with Two Men and a Truck, because they were awesome when we moved them.
- Tomorrow, I also go to Uhaul to get a few things.

( Schedule )

This... is not going to be easy and yeah, most of the packing falls to me, because Sam has to pack his room and he takes forever, plus he has lots of fiddly little things.

Okay, so I had some goals for this year:

- edit and submit Steampunk
- keep my job (not a danger, just a goal)
- Get the house decorated
- finish the estate bullshit

Let's look at what I actually accomplished:

- Edited Steampunk
- Decorated the house
- finished the estate

Let's look at what I failed at:

- Submitted Steampunk
- Keep my job

So, now into 2025:

- Rewrite Steampunk
- Submit Steampunk
- Finish decorating the house
- Move?*
- Submit Narissia

I'm not sure that I'll accomplish everything, but I can try, right? I'm going to try.

*This... is a possibility. We need a four bedroom, but we can't move unless I get a full time job, because my job just doesn't pay the bills. Not yet, anyway.

Sigh, the year will be interesting.

I dunno about y’all, but I am tired. I’m that bone deep weary that you’re pretty sure you could sleep for a week get up, drink something and go right back to bed.

I’m at the brink of breaking into sobs, I’m so tired. Physically, emotionally, creatively.

I’m ready to throw it all in and say to hell with it.

And, folks, I’m here to say: That’s okay

I’m not going to give you permission to suck. That’s been granted. What I am telling you is that you can take that moment, lock the kids out of your bedroom, flop on your face and scream into the pillow. Obviously, if you have little, little ones, don’t do this, but trust me, even toddlers can be left alone for two minutes while you go scream out your angst about the fact that you can’t write, that you don’t have time, that the words are not there… whatever your need to scream about.

Look, we’re all tired. It’s the state of the world, the state of being anymore. You have my permission to be tired. You have my permission to not write until the holidays are over, the parties are done and the new year begun. Don’t worry about writing.

Honestly, I’m going to take my own advice and not write the entire rest of December. Once this post is done (I’m writing this on the first.) no more writing. No more frantic need to make words. No more desperation to make word count/day count. No more need to get to my computer when I have five minutes.

Just like with your day job - if that’s not creative writing - we need a vacation sometimes. We need that time off to recharge and to just rest the brain meats, and let the creativity relax on a beach somewhere. Guess what’s the perfect time for that little creative vacation?

I know, I know. It’s the end of the year and you’re so close. Fine. If you can do that and carry that energy into the New Year? Good luck.

If you can’t? That’s fine. Come sit with me in the corner. Hockey’s on TV and there are kitties!

Really, I don’t see the point of pushing at the end. You’re not going to do anything but burn yourself out for the next year. And then you’ll be in the position of not making next year’s pledge. Which no one wants.

It’s the end of the year. We’ve pushed ourselves for 12 months, trying to write write write write. These last two weeks of the year? Relax, enjoy yourself. Have a great Yule, do all the fun things you told yourself you weren’t allowed to do because there was writing to be done. Viddy games? Sure. Baking? Absolutely. Staring blankly at the wall with drool slowly crawling down your chin? Not gonna judge.

So hit me. What would you do if you didn’t write? What would you read/draw/whatever?

Me? I’m turning on hockey and teaching myself to crochet. I’m cuddling with the cats, ignoring the growing pile of laundry and making sure that there is a steady stream of games going on every minute I can.

Tell me, GYWO: Writing is not necessary, what’re you doing?

Changed my journal name!

So, don't worry, same Cat, just a different journal name

I know. Last night was beyond disappointing. But, if I focus too much on it, I will drive myself deeper into a depression that I won't get out of for a long time.

So; instead, I'm planning my mini vacation in Seattle. I'm going to take a laptop, go to a hockey game and write. It'll be in January of 2025, the 24th - 26th. The hockey game is on the 25th. So, I'll have plenty of time to write before/after the game.

This is going to be an expensive trip because I think I'm going to get a nice hotel - maybe the Westin? - and treat myself. Just the hockey game alone will be expensive, so why not blow the money I have on a nice hotel.

But it'll be more of a writing retreat/hockey game than anything.

After that, I might just plan on another little vacation for myself to write, somewhere. I'm having trouble focusing on my writing (for obvious reasons) and hope this'll help.

Anyway, yeah, I think I'll stay at the Westin in Seattle for my hockey game vacation. I'll write when I'm not at the game, and try to get some editing/writing done. Maybe the time to focus will be good for me.

Hopefully, the vacation will be good for me.

Except I'm not, not really.

So; I've got two jobs now. One through a temporary agency - I work that Mondays and Fridays - and another as a contractor. So... That'll go badly.

I'm working both because we can't afford for me not to work both. So; I'm working both. The temp agency job is Fridays and Mondays. The other job is Tuesday - Thursday.

I'm still looking for a full time, permanent position, but hopefully once I rearrange my resume, I can put things in there that'll make me more popular? I dunno. I'm getting interviews, just not having anyone pull the trigger on me.

Honestly, it's demoralizing, and horrid.

I'm not writing either, because I've been so worried about working that writing just fell away.

Anyway. Please forgive me for the radio silence (again). I'm busting ass trying to make it so we can make rent.

To hell with Christmas/holidays. I just want to make rent.

So, the question was asked: How to figure out how your writer brain works best?

We all have our routines. No matter what it's for. We have our work routines, our chore routines, our food routines. Routines keep our lives normal and keep us on an even keel. And, if you're like me, when those routines are disturbed things get thrown off kilter and it takes a minute to get back into the proper mindset.

How do you figure out how your writer brain works best? Is it a routine? Is it spontaneous? Well, let's look at some ways you can figure it out:

If you're writing, perhaps the best thing to do is to write down your daily word counts. Look at the days where you write the most. Then, write down what was going on around you at that time:

Think of how your environment was set up. Think of where you were (on the couch, at the table, at a desk...).

What about food and drink? Did you have some? Or were you without, so you could focus more?

Cleanliness is the next thing. Were all your household chores done? On hold? Did you just get out of the shower?

And see, here's what I suggest. Write all these things down that you can remember. Make notes on your tracker. Something along the lines of "On the couch, with laptop, water bottle, with chores done". Something that simple can tell you a lot about what you need to get your writer brain going.

Me? I need structure. I need a job so that I can get to work early and get in a little bit of writing time, before I punch the clock. Then, writing on lunch.

But see, I know this. I know this because I look at my word counts for the months I worked this year, and the months I haven't and noticed that the months I worked? I cranked out 15k in a month. Now that I'm not working? I’m lucky to crank out 2k. It’s still something, but it’s not what a part of my brain thinks is “enough”.

Okay, now you know your physical routine. You know where you need to sit, whether you’re drinking/eating, and you’re poised and ready to go. What next?

How do you begin your writing session? Do you freewrite? Open a new word document and just plaster down random words until something coherent forms? Or do you open one of your WIPs (if you only have one, you must tell me HOW) and read a little to get you into the scene, and back into your correct headspace?

I have a friend, who freewrites until something coherent starts to form. Then, she’ll switch to a current WIP and get into it. But she freewrites in a journal. No tapping away furiously at a keyboard, no no. That journal - I’ve seen it - is filled with random snippets of everything under the sun, which she also says is awesome, because sometimes, she needs an idea for something and BAM right there in the journal. But once she uses the idea, she’ll make a mark on the page, letting her know it’s been used. (I think she puts a star sticker on the page or something? I’m not sure)

Okay, so you’ve created your environment, you’ve done your prep. Now it’s time to settle in and write. You’ve set yourself up for success. That success could possibly need one more element: Time.

I’m not saying you need a lot of time. When I was working, and thus writing more (Structure is my friend; this freewheeling is not!) I knew how much time I had. About 45-50 minutes before work (I did this on purpose to have writing time) and an hour at lunch. I set an alarm at the proper times so I knew when to quit writing (8am and 1pm). Now, having that alarm was somewhat anxiety inducing, but I knew that it wouldn’t let me go over and if I stopped writing while in a decent groove, I’d be able to pick it up again, probably the next day. But sometimes, at home too.

And here’s my last little bit of advice: Leave the brain wanting more. Don’t write yourself out. Write to a place and stop. Put it to the side and tell the brain, it’ll have to wait until next session to put those words down. In this, at least for me, it means that writing is always percolating in the background and letting me rev it up faster, next time.

These are all suggestions. Your brain may not need the structure of a job. You may not need time set in your phone. You may not need the perfect circumstances. But give these suggestions a shot if you’re struggling. Can’t hurt, right?

Today is the start of a new week. Let's look at the fuckery that is today/this week:

- I MADE CHEESECAKE. New York Cheesecake, from this recipe.

- I'm out of modafinil (provigil) which is the medication that keeps me awake. I'm supposed to have enough to last from appointment to appointment, but didn't. I have an appointment with them next week.

- I have an interview this week, at an Auto Sales place. Not sure I want the job but I need a job. Which sucks.

- No therapy this week. Therapist is going to be in Ireland, and I'm pissy about it.

- I'm going to make pretzels too soon, once the dishes are done. Also need to do the rest of the cheesecake. Going to make cheesecake tart things. It'll be good and able to be frozen.

Now I need to go pull the cheesecake out of the oven.... And then start the pretzels.

I have a job interview with the AG's office on Thursday, after Son has Speech.

I don't know how they got my resume, but I'll take it? I need the work.

I don't feel well today. I've puked twice, and am just hanging in bed, with two of the cats, Scotty and Menace.

I'm still writing werewolf stuff, so that's good, because words are words.

I need to edit, though, and am going to try that today, but no way am I pressing that button too much.

I have things I need to do, but.....

Ugh, I'm going to lay down.