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Mental Health
Jun. 16th, 2019 08:05 pmI'm talking about this, because my mother said something to me that made my blood boil. "If you can't do it without medication, you're a failure."
EXCUSE ME?! But who the fuck are you to decide that I'm a failure because I take medication to even out the brain meats. Let me explain a few things:
- My medication meant that I could, at 37, go back to school and get a degree. I worked hard for that degree, but let me tell you, if the medication hadn't been there? I sure as fuck would not have been.
- My medication means that I can move. I take pain medication - gabapentin and ibuprofen - to make sure that my joints and my nerves aren't trying to kill me on a regular basis. And when I don't take them for a couple of days? I can certainly tell the difference.
- My medication means that I'm a better parent. I can do things with my son and for my son that I couldn't before because my brain was a bastard and telling me all the wrong things. The medication helps me shut up the part of my brain that tells me I'm a horrible fuckup of a parent.
She also recently told me to stop taking my medication because obviously, I don't need it anymore because I'm no longer in school and therefor "most of your problems are solved, right?"
... That's not how this works. Medication, just like a hammer, is a tool. It helps, but is not the complete solution. I had years of therapy to discuss how to deal with my issues. They are still not gone, but I can deal with them on my own for the most part. This is why I don't go to therapy any longer.
( Triggering Content under here. Rape, Abuse, and Drugs )
Both were abusive in different ways, but they have left scars on my psyche that the medication helps. It doesn't heal it - not sure it'll ever be healed - but it helps ease it.
So, my dear mother, no. I will not be giving up my medications. I will not stop taking them. I don't care if you're uncomfortable with the thought that I take... 9 medications every night, and 10 on Sundays. (Literally. One medication is once a week.) I don't like the medications. I hate having to take all of them. But, I do because I don't like the me that is off the medication.
I get that not everyone understands all my Issues. No one is in my head but me. I get that from the outside, it may look like I just take a pill to solve everything*. But, those medications mean I have a life again. Those medications represent me saying "I need help" and someone actually listening. Because for a long time, they didn't. I needed help, and no one was there.
Now, I have learned to cope on my own. Soemtimes to the frustrations of people in my life who keep telling me "You don't have to do this alone!" Which, no, I don't. But if you reach out and continually get slapped away, you learn to do on your own or without. I learned to do without.
Medication is sometimes needed. Stop the stigma, and stop judging people for it.
*My mother's words, if you were wondering
EXCUSE ME?! But who the fuck are you to decide that I'm a failure because I take medication to even out the brain meats. Let me explain a few things:
- My medication meant that I could, at 37, go back to school and get a degree. I worked hard for that degree, but let me tell you, if the medication hadn't been there? I sure as fuck would not have been.
- My medication means that I can move. I take pain medication - gabapentin and ibuprofen - to make sure that my joints and my nerves aren't trying to kill me on a regular basis. And when I don't take them for a couple of days? I can certainly tell the difference.
- My medication means that I'm a better parent. I can do things with my son and for my son that I couldn't before because my brain was a bastard and telling me all the wrong things. The medication helps me shut up the part of my brain that tells me I'm a horrible fuckup of a parent.
She also recently told me to stop taking my medication because obviously, I don't need it anymore because I'm no longer in school and therefor "most of your problems are solved, right?"
... That's not how this works. Medication, just like a hammer, is a tool. It helps, but is not the complete solution. I had years of therapy to discuss how to deal with my issues. They are still not gone, but I can deal with them on my own for the most part. This is why I don't go to therapy any longer.
( Triggering Content under here. Rape, Abuse, and Drugs )
Both were abusive in different ways, but they have left scars on my psyche that the medication helps. It doesn't heal it - not sure it'll ever be healed - but it helps ease it.
So, my dear mother, no. I will not be giving up my medications. I will not stop taking them. I don't care if you're uncomfortable with the thought that I take... 9 medications every night, and 10 on Sundays. (Literally. One medication is once a week.) I don't like the medications. I hate having to take all of them. But, I do because I don't like the me that is off the medication.
I get that not everyone understands all my Issues. No one is in my head but me. I get that from the outside, it may look like I just take a pill to solve everything*. But, those medications mean I have a life again. Those medications represent me saying "I need help" and someone actually listening. Because for a long time, they didn't. I needed help, and no one was there.
Now, I have learned to cope on my own. Soemtimes to the frustrations of people in my life who keep telling me "You don't have to do this alone!" Which, no, I don't. But if you reach out and continually get slapped away, you learn to do on your own or without. I learned to do without.
Medication is sometimes needed. Stop the stigma, and stop judging people for it.
*My mother's words, if you were wondering