Dragon Journal (![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
dragonjournal) wrote2013-01-15 08:19 pm
dragonjournal) wrote2013-01-15 08:19 pm
Entry tags:
Inspired by Tumblr
Over on Tumblr, I follow one called FuckYeahCharacterDevelopment. Recently, someone asked about writing a character with physical/mental disabilities. So, I put in my hat, offering my services to talk about my own disabilities and talking about raising a child with disabilities of their own.
However, I wanted to get some things out and about. This is a resource open to anyone to ask about. And under the cut:
Let me say that my disabilities make it so I have to really work at getting around things at times. They really do make me "differently abled". I'm going to describe things from my POV. Questions are encouraged. So, that said:
Social Phobia: Imagine walking into a grocery store. You're just doing the weekly shopping. You're wearing jeans and a t-shirt, maybe a hoodie. You've got regular shoes on your feet. Your hair's up in a pony tail, and you're checking your phone for a text. Got that? Nothing too untoward about it. Everyone does it.
However, my brain? Translates that into something different. Instead of just standing there, being a part of the crowd, suddenly everyone in the place is looking at me. They're judging what I do, how I move, what I'm wearing, what I'm buying. They're judging the way I blink. And I am completely the center of their attention. And I can feel those looks. I can tell they're looking at me. They're judging me and I can "hear" every single judgment they make. They begin softly. Whispers on the wind, that's all. Then, it gets louder and louder. A broken record so to speak, straight into my brain. And it replays, replays and replays.
I start having trouble breathing. I'm hyper aware of everyone and everything around me. I get easily confused. Simple rote tasks that I've done fifty billion times before get screwed up. Numbers get jumbled. Reading becomes a chore. I have a "tell" that things are getting bad. I take my right hand and start rubbing it up and down my thigh. I can usually hide everything but the rubbing. My tremors aren't normally visible, unless you're staring at my hands closely. I don't look like I'm having trouble breathing. You can't tell that my eyes are darting around, trying to see everyone and everything and judge how close they are and if that's too close.
I usually try to get in and out as fast as possible. You can imagine that without a car, it's a chore.
What this means:
- I don't go out without a purpose. I don't do "spontaneous" trips out. I don't just go out to "hang" with people. If I'm outside, there is a purpose to it. I have a reason for being out there. I have a goal. Once that goal is completed, I am going home.
- I don't speak to strangers. It will take me months to say hello to someone I've seen a few times a week. I do not talk to people. If they say hello, I will offer a shy/soft hello and then just stare at the ground/my hands/something other than looking at someone.
- I don't let myself stand out. If I do something that makes me stand out (such as dying my hair), I will do something to play it down. If someone comments on it, I will offer a soft small word/explanation, but not elaborate.
- I know it is irrational. I know that people aren't staring at me, or talking about me, or anything else my brain comes up with. I can sit here and analyze it and I know that this is unreasonable and makes no sense in the context. But when I get into those situations, rationality doesn't play into it. I cannot break out of that mental loop.
- Going out takes a huge physical toll. When I go out for days in a row, the only thing I do is come home and sleep/dick around on the internet and just... not do anything - including home tasks - for days.
Treatment:
- Lexapro I take 30mgs every night.
- Ativan 1mg, PRN up to 4mgs per day.
- Talk therapy. I go to therapy every other week.
- There is more of this to come.
Seasonal Affective Disorder: Basically, the colder it gets, the more depressed I get. That's the basics of it.
I tend not to go out much in the winter. It's cold, dreary and very difficult to get going. You know how you like to stay in bed and just lounge in the warmth and not go out and be in the cold? That's what it is. Except that getting out of bed is a physical chore that makes me very susceptible to just... staying there. I literally have to talk myself into moving.
What this means:
- I spend a lot of time on my couch.
- I open my curtains so that I get some sunlight, because that does help.
- When I get cold? It lasts for days, even if I stay in.
Treatment:
- Sunlight as often as I can.
- Drugs mentioned before.
Obsessive Compulsive Disorder: Okay, this has nothing to do with cleaning/germs/whatever. If you looked at my house, you would understand.
My OCD manifests in the following way:
I have to have a set schedule. I cannot deviate it from it. I set it up, usually a few days in advance, and follow it pretty damned religiously. Especially if I'm going out. If something comes up, such as an emergency, the immediate reaction is PANIC! I flail around for a few moments, before I can calm down and get what needs doing, done.
Following a schedule is a must. I function much better, I know exactly where I'm going to be at every minute of the day and what I need to be doing. Even when I'm out shopping, I'm constantly checking the time and making sure that I am where I need to be. I am chronically early and get Very unsettled when people are late, because that puts my schedule off and I just cannot deal with that.
(It is a thought that my OCD was brought on by the social phobia because of my need to be home and being very conscious of how long I've been out.)
What this means:
- I'm constantly looking at my watch/phone to catch the time.
- I will be 15-20 minutes early.
- I will get crabby the later someone else is. Especially if they don't call.
- I memorize schedules. I can tell you where something is supposed to be and when. (Seriously, I don't even check the bus schedules any more - and that's including the two lines I don't ride much.)
Treatment:
- Sticking to schedules
- Reminding myself that someone else is human and might not mean to be late
Mood Disorder (Not Otherwise Specified): Basically, I fit criteria for more than a single disorder, and don't fit into any single one.
I get depressed and have almost manic episodes where I'm extremely productive and don't sleep much. I also have other indicators of Major Depressive Disorder and Bipolar Disorder and... yeah. So, this one, again, goes along with the Phobia and the SAD. And probably the OCD as well.
What this means:
- It all fits together. All of the mental health stuff.
- And really? I'm not sure what it means.
Treatment:
- Medications as above.
Mental disorders affect everyone differently. The things I've described above may not manifest in someone with the exact same diagnosis as myself. If you're going to be writing someone with any of these, please keep in mind that they come in a wide range of symptoms and reasons. Please, do your research. Don't be afraid to ask, either. I'm willing to answer as much as I can. :)
However, I wanted to get some things out and about. This is a resource open to anyone to ask about. And under the cut:
Let me say that my disabilities make it so I have to really work at getting around things at times. They really do make me "differently abled". I'm going to describe things from my POV. Questions are encouraged. So, that said:
Social Phobia: Imagine walking into a grocery store. You're just doing the weekly shopping. You're wearing jeans and a t-shirt, maybe a hoodie. You've got regular shoes on your feet. Your hair's up in a pony tail, and you're checking your phone for a text. Got that? Nothing too untoward about it. Everyone does it.
However, my brain? Translates that into something different. Instead of just standing there, being a part of the crowd, suddenly everyone in the place is looking at me. They're judging what I do, how I move, what I'm wearing, what I'm buying. They're judging the way I blink. And I am completely the center of their attention. And I can feel those looks. I can tell they're looking at me. They're judging me and I can "hear" every single judgment they make. They begin softly. Whispers on the wind, that's all. Then, it gets louder and louder. A broken record so to speak, straight into my brain. And it replays, replays and replays.
I start having trouble breathing. I'm hyper aware of everyone and everything around me. I get easily confused. Simple rote tasks that I've done fifty billion times before get screwed up. Numbers get jumbled. Reading becomes a chore. I have a "tell" that things are getting bad. I take my right hand and start rubbing it up and down my thigh. I can usually hide everything but the rubbing. My tremors aren't normally visible, unless you're staring at my hands closely. I don't look like I'm having trouble breathing. You can't tell that my eyes are darting around, trying to see everyone and everything and judge how close they are and if that's too close.
I usually try to get in and out as fast as possible. You can imagine that without a car, it's a chore.
What this means:
- I don't go out without a purpose. I don't do "spontaneous" trips out. I don't just go out to "hang" with people. If I'm outside, there is a purpose to it. I have a reason for being out there. I have a goal. Once that goal is completed, I am going home.
- I don't speak to strangers. It will take me months to say hello to someone I've seen a few times a week. I do not talk to people. If they say hello, I will offer a shy/soft hello and then just stare at the ground/my hands/something other than looking at someone.
- I don't let myself stand out. If I do something that makes me stand out (such as dying my hair), I will do something to play it down. If someone comments on it, I will offer a soft small word/explanation, but not elaborate.
- I know it is irrational. I know that people aren't staring at me, or talking about me, or anything else my brain comes up with. I can sit here and analyze it and I know that this is unreasonable and makes no sense in the context. But when I get into those situations, rationality doesn't play into it. I cannot break out of that mental loop.
- Going out takes a huge physical toll. When I go out for days in a row, the only thing I do is come home and sleep/dick around on the internet and just... not do anything - including home tasks - for days.
Treatment:
- Lexapro I take 30mgs every night.
- Ativan 1mg, PRN up to 4mgs per day.
- Talk therapy. I go to therapy every other week.
- There is more of this to come.
Seasonal Affective Disorder: Basically, the colder it gets, the more depressed I get. That's the basics of it.
I tend not to go out much in the winter. It's cold, dreary and very difficult to get going. You know how you like to stay in bed and just lounge in the warmth and not go out and be in the cold? That's what it is. Except that getting out of bed is a physical chore that makes me very susceptible to just... staying there. I literally have to talk myself into moving.
What this means:
- I spend a lot of time on my couch.
- I open my curtains so that I get some sunlight, because that does help.
- When I get cold? It lasts for days, even if I stay in.
Treatment:
- Sunlight as often as I can.
- Drugs mentioned before.
Obsessive Compulsive Disorder: Okay, this has nothing to do with cleaning/germs/whatever. If you looked at my house, you would understand.
My OCD manifests in the following way:
I have to have a set schedule. I cannot deviate it from it. I set it up, usually a few days in advance, and follow it pretty damned religiously. Especially if I'm going out. If something comes up, such as an emergency, the immediate reaction is PANIC! I flail around for a few moments, before I can calm down and get what needs doing, done.
Following a schedule is a must. I function much better, I know exactly where I'm going to be at every minute of the day and what I need to be doing. Even when I'm out shopping, I'm constantly checking the time and making sure that I am where I need to be. I am chronically early and get Very unsettled when people are late, because that puts my schedule off and I just cannot deal with that.
(It is a thought that my OCD was brought on by the social phobia because of my need to be home and being very conscious of how long I've been out.)
What this means:
- I'm constantly looking at my watch/phone to catch the time.
- I will be 15-20 minutes early.
- I will get crabby the later someone else is. Especially if they don't call.
- I memorize schedules. I can tell you where something is supposed to be and when. (Seriously, I don't even check the bus schedules any more - and that's including the two lines I don't ride much.)
Treatment:
- Sticking to schedules
- Reminding myself that someone else is human and might not mean to be late
Mood Disorder (Not Otherwise Specified): Basically, I fit criteria for more than a single disorder, and don't fit into any single one.
I get depressed and have almost manic episodes where I'm extremely productive and don't sleep much. I also have other indicators of Major Depressive Disorder and Bipolar Disorder and... yeah. So, this one, again, goes along with the Phobia and the SAD. And probably the OCD as well.
What this means:
- It all fits together. All of the mental health stuff.
- And really? I'm not sure what it means.
Treatment:
- Medications as above.
Mental disorders affect everyone differently. The things I've described above may not manifest in someone with the exact same diagnosis as myself. If you're going to be writing someone with any of these, please keep in mind that they come in a wide range of symptoms and reasons. Please, do your research. Don't be afraid to ask, either. I'm willing to answer as much as I can. :)
no subject
no subject
I've also seen the complaint that everyone writes OCD with germs. Well, here, have an example of OCD that has nothing to do with germs/housekeeping.
no subject
no subject
I have other manifestations of it, but the time thing is the biggest one.